Be Still

I'm sure you all have noticed that I have been gone a while. A long while. And trust me, that was not intended. I had regrettably allowed my life to become overloaded and when I realized I hadn't posted in several months I struggled getting back on. "What would I say?" "How would I word it?" "Should I lay it all out for the readers? No! That's too vulnerable." And so many more thoughts would race in and out of my head. I struggle with letting people know when I have a problem. I hate to sound like a Debbie Downer. That's not fair to anyone. We all have our own problems, why should I whine about

mine?

As it turns out, God was teaching me to be more vulnerable; with Him. I had allowed myself to become so busy that not only did I forget to blog and write, I had also allowed myself to become too busy to spend time in the Word and with Him. And many areas of my life paid dearly for it.

In May, I decided to take the leap and try to be an independent consultant for It Works! Fully knowing I am NOT a sales person in any way. But I truly felt like God was leading me there. So I took the leap. I gave it 3 months, and had to come to the realization that I had caused nothing but stress in my life and my friendships. I still feel that God had lead me to try it, but the lesson He was teaching me was not what I expected.

My husband and I work a lot with our youth group at church, particularly with the middle schoolers. We had faced so many encounters and growing points for both ends during those three months that I seriously began to feel drained. So many things would pop up that left us asking "Did God really want US to help with junior high?" So many times we felt unqualified to help them. It hurt. To want to help kids and feel like your hands were tied at the same time. It was frustrating. But we learned later He was teaching us something that we wouldn't have been able to learn any other way. (Yes, another lesson)

Right about the time I decided to leave It Works (August), my husband unexpectedly lost his job. I was heart broken, I was hurt, I was angry. This wouldn't have been the first time that happened, and I had that same old familiar fear that I was supposed to do everything. That my entire world just fell onto my shoulders and it was up to me to carry our tiny little family through. And it was at this time I realized I hadn't blogged in three months. I hadn't spent any time in the Word, and I definitely hadn't spent time with my Heavenly Father. Then the feelings of failure stepped in, along with worry, and doubt, and fear. Why hadn't I turned to God? Why didn't I let Him lead me through all the struggles?

Now, my marriage was on the rocks. I felt unqualified to teach students, and I was the sole financial support for my home. What on earth was I thinking?! But He softly reminded me that its never too late. He's always there, always eager to hear. I just simply had to turn to Him. I went to my husband, broken, and apologized profusely for everything that happened, and how I acted. Those 3 months were a nightmare, and we had the ability to keep it from going that far. We agreed we needed to make some changes. We began marriage mentoring, reading the Bible again, praying a lot more and together more.

We were going through the book of Job with our Sunday School class, and it had clicked one late night when I was sitting in my living room, laying it all out to God. Job had lost EVERYTHING. His kids, his crops and livestock (essentially, his job) and his wife kept urging him to curse God (I'm sure that didn't help him in any way). But he remained faithful, he admitted he was angry, and couldn't figure out what he did to deserve it, and still remained faithful. And in the end God blessed him more than he could have imagined. As I was praying I realized, we felt a lot like Job. Eric lost his job, we were struggling to make rent and buy groceries, and don't even get me started on gas prices those few weeks. We needed to remain faithful. (Yes, I woke Eric up to tell him these revelations.) He and I prayed so fervently the next few days. He went on a few interviews and was bugging everybody to follow up with the process, and still kept sending out applications.

The First day in September, when I was driving into work, I was praying and worshiping, and I felt God tell me to "Be still." I thought about it all day. Be still. So I threw my hands up, and said "Ok! I trust you." That same morning, Eric felt God tell him to stop sending out applications. And by that afternoon, we got a call. He had a job! We knew it was a good job, with great health benefits, and financial security. Little did we know, God was blessing us abundantly. He has been at this job over a month now, and we couldn't feel more blessed. We've been able to tithe and restart our mission faith promises. We've been able to pay rent, and buy groceries! And in a few months, we'll have health insurance and begin our annual visits to dentists, and eye exams and such.

Be still. So simple, and yet so powerful. When I felt like my life was turned upside down, it was like a tornado. I was just constantly going, and running, and trying to keep everything in tact, when all I had to do was "Be still." Now, our marriage is stronger, our quiet times are constant, we still LOVE working with the youth, and when struggles come, they don't seem so catastrophic.

 

Psalm 46:10

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

 

 

 

Love All the Colors!

Funny thing happened while I was teaching last week. We were talking about the Les Fauves technique and his use for colors. I had explained to one of my students "While painting your self portrait we can't use the normal colors. We need to use fun colors." My point was that he never used anything realistic, he focused on the more colorful aspect. When I said that, one of my students piped in and said "Are you saying not all colors are fun? That's a little rude, don't you think, stereo typing the colors and all?"

How could you not laugh at that? Such a funny thought coming out of young minds. But it reminded me how quick we are to judge, literally, everything around us. I know I try so carefully not to judge those around me, but I was shown today how I am capable of judging without even realizing it. Thankfully, I was only judging something small such as colors from a pallet in art class. But how often have I unknowingly judged people? The last thing I want to do is judge people. That's not my job or my place.

I'm so thankful for subtle life lessons provided for us. What a fun way for God to teach us through the laughable moments in our daily interactions. We just have to be open to hearing what He has to teach us. And the small lesson I learned while teaching art class today, love all the colors of the pallet, equally!

Deny Yourself

What does it mean to you to give up everything to be a follower of Christ? Would you? Give up absolutely everything you've ever known, to follow our one true king? What about the little things people don't think about when they are doing a spiritual spring cleaning? The memories of a hurtful past. A reputation. A way of living.

These past couple weeks one of my small groups has been working through the Radical study by David Platt. He really got my attention the first week when he explained that we have to deny ourselves completely to make room for Christ in our life. I loved that and prayed that God would fill me as I deny myself for Him. But this week alone, I've seen a whole new way of looking at denying myself. Its hard to truly deny yourself for Christ when you get down to it. Looking at yourself in a deeper more vulnerable way and deciding if you would actually give that part up in order to follow Christ.

You might be someone who has to change their view on living. Maybe you're someone who was abused as a child. Whether it be physical, verbal, or emotional. Maybe you've grown so accustomed to building up a wall around yourself that you don't even notice when you're shutting others out. Or worse you've started hurting the ones who love you most because someone else hurt you. Maybe you're the first Christian in your family, and its hard for you to wrap your mind around the life Jesus wants for you because all you've ever known was heartache and pain. Jesus wants to give you life, happiness, love. He wants you to experience everything He has to offer. But you might need to let go of your past to follow Him. You have to "deny yourself". Let go of the "this is all I've ever known" mentality to embrace a new way to look at life. A brighter way of life, God's way.

Maybe you're someone who grew up in a Christ-filled home. You went to church and Sunday School every week, maybe even the midweek services/programs. You read the Bible at home, your parents taught you how to look up passages if you weren't sure. And now that you're older, you might see a friend, spouse or loved one struggling and you want to show them in the Bible where it can guide them through the struggles or "throw the book at them". But you know that would be rude, because only God can reveal that to them. He might be able to use you to show them, but only in His timing. You have to "deny yourself". Let go of that "know it all" "I can help" thought process and just let God do the hard work. Focus on how you can grow closer to God, and He'll ease the stress on both ends.

Denying yourself can lead you down some very vulnerable roads. You might have to admit that you've been putting up a wall to shut others out, or you might have to let go of the controls and let God take the lead. Nobody likes to admit when they've been wrong. Its not fun.

I encourage you today, to look at your life to find a way to "deny yourself" as a way to follow Christ. Even when the pain seems unbearable. Having a support system at home is a great feeling, but letting Christ be the center of your life and letting Him take away your pain and struggles is a greater feeling.

Be a Party Animal

Quiet time. What is quiet time to you? Do you read your Bible? Do you play worship music? Do you have your own little praise and worship party on your own? Do you have a prayer closet? When I first started being diligent in my quiet times they were just that. Quiet. As I grow closer to God my "quiet times" are becoming less and less quiet. Don't get me wrong, sometimes its good for us to just be still, and listen to His voice. (Psalm 46:10) But we are also to make a joyful noise to the Lord. (Psalm 98:4; Psalm 100:1-2) I prefer to read my Bible in the morning with my coffee and do my reading plan through the Bible app. It gets my day started off on the right foot, and everything just falls into place. And yes, every now and then, I'll put on one of my favorite CDs and just worship the Lord right there in my living room.

A few weeks ago I was going through the reading plan by Dave Adamson, Chasing the Light. On the last day he talked about "quiet times." He asked us what we thought Jesus' quiet times looked like. What would His "quiet times" look like?? Mr. Adamson further mentioned that he asked a friend who was a Jewish Rabbi what he thought. The friend explained the traditional Jewish daily devotions for many centuries has been anything but quiet. They would do public readings of Scripture, singing praise and worship, and praying loudly while walking and moving continually. It's anything but quiet.
https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/3353-chasing-the-light/day/5 (Great read, you should check it out sometime.)

Scarcely does the Bible mention Jesus' quiet times. Because He was ALWAYS talking to God. He took any chance He could to pray, focus on and exalt the Lord. His widest method of teaching, however, was by example. (Luke 11:1) The disciples wanted to so badly to become like Jesus, so they would ask Him to explain the "correct" way of praying, living, worshiping, anything. We also have to remember that God was with Him, and in Him. (John 1:1) While He did have some private time set aside to be alone with God, He also wanted to show us what it was like to be one with God. Just think, if Jesus (who was one with God) needed some time to be alone and grow closer to God, how much more do we need to set some time aside to just be alone with the Lord.

We can also learn from the other lessons Jesus taught us. We are a living example of God's love here on earth. After our quiet times alone with God, we then need to take that love and share it with everybody. Jesus never kept God to Himself, He shared Him with everybody. And not just other believers either, He went to the sinners, the beggars, the prostitutes. Jesus wanted to save them more than anything. As my pastor mentioned a few weeks ago in church, "Jesus was a party animal." He never turned anybody away, or avoided anyone. He welcomed everyone to His presence. As He was walking around, praising God with His life, He welcomed everyone to join Him.

Maybe you need to take the next step in your "quiet times." Maybe you need to get a little louder and pop in a worship CD or turn on Pandora and start a worship party of one right in your living room, or get your family involved. Or maybe you've got the home thing down, now you need to live it out loud and take it to the public. Be like Jesus, be a party animal, and welcome everyone into the splendor of the Lord.

Soft Reminders

Such a sweet reminder today that even if we don't understand it, or if it doesn't add up in our heads, that doesn't mean God isn't working. For the past few months my husband and I have been feeling God work in our hearts to do more with our junior high youth kids. We wanted to create a safe place for them to hang out and just be kids. Not expecting anything of them, or pressuring them to grow up. Just be yourself; be a kid. We have been house hunting for this very reason and the doors have not been opening. I have been trusting that God is in this journey with us and there is a reason He's keeping the doors closed. But its still hard.

I've also been feeling, personally, that I'm not giving enough of myself. If only I had more space. If only I had more time. If only I had more money. All these struggles have been distracting me and tearing me down. I have honestly felt defeated. How are we supposed to grow and do good works for God if we don't have anything to give? That's when His soft voice gently asked me "Are you giving of your"stuff" or of your"self"?

Am I? Am I too focused on giving of my"stuff" and forgetting to give of my"self"?

Today we have a friend staying with us for the night. Not a usual for us. And for once I don't feel like I have to entertain. I have let the guys run the TV this afternoon and I cleaned house and cooked dinner. As I was washing up the dishes after dinner I heard that sweet voice again, "This is giving of yourself. Giving up your routine, your time, your space. Cooking food and making sure there is something available for your guest's comfort. He didn't come over tonight asking for money. He didn't come asking for a weeks worth of groceries. He wanted a safe place to sleep and someone he connects with to have fun and hang out with."

This is what it looks like to give of your"self". We are just hanging out, having fun. The guys are playing video games, having a blast, and I am getting caught up on my reading. (I'm extremely behind.) It didn't cost us anything, we didn't have to give him any "stuff", we're just spending time with him and blessing him with God's love.

How wonderful it is to be reminded of God's love through the little things. Just spending time with someone is equally a blessing as a financial blessing. I'm so honored that God chose us to go through this crazy journey and lesson. I'm looking forward to many more mind blowing break throughs of God's divine love and wonderful life lessons.

The Little Blessings

What a wonderful day! I'll back up for a bit (sort of a precursor to today), and explain what I've been thinking about off and on since we moved to central Ohio. Two years ago, when my husband and I turned our lives upside down and started following God, I prayed that God would start showing me that he hasn't left us. When I was little I remember seeing and hearing about radical experiences. When an elderly woman was struggling financially she would find a check in her mail for the exact amount she needed. When people at church became filled in the holy spirit, they would fall back. As I grew older I saw, and heard, fewer and fewer of these occurrences. I started to worry that the obvious evidence of God was at its end. So I prayed that he would show me that its not over. That was two years ago.

These past few months He has been proving to me over and over that He is still moving in obvious ways, and changing lives every day. Every couple weeks I see someone in our church filled with the Holy Spirit, not just with the evidence of speaking in tongues, but also falling to the ground. Two weeks ago, my dad received an unexpected vehicle repair bill, he prayed that God would provide and come through, and that night they received a gift of the exact amount of the repair bill. I was filled with joy, not just for my parents, but for the sweet reminder of how incredible my God is. And how He never stops proving His love for us.

These were all wonderful reminders for me; then I took it a step further. I prayed that God would move in my personal life. I know I'm not in any place to be demanding of God but my past few weeks have been crazy busy. And my husband has been battling with himself that everything he teaches our students just doesn't get through. Both situations has left me physically and emotionally drained. God waited till my lowest point this week to bring light into my life.

Today, I had to run a quick errand. Last I was in the car I was at an eighth of a tank and the gas light had just come on. Our plan was for me to get gas on my way to work tomorrow. But I had to run this errand and decided to risk it. When I turned the car on the gas meter read a quarter of a tank of gas. I ran to the store, got the few things I needed, and decided I should probably take this chance to go to the gas station. I pulled in just as the light came on (again). I thought to myself I'll only put $15 in and the rest tomorrow. I just need enough for today. I put that $15 in and it filled my tank to past three quarters!! The last thing I expected!! I was figuring just under half a tank at best. While I drove the car this past week, the tank just kept on going so I figured it would cost a lot to fill it up. What a serious blessing!! My heart was so overjoyed!

I know it doesn't seem like much, and there's a lot of realists out there who would try to prove that it wasn't God, or anything spiritual, but I know it was God. He gave me one more reason to thank Him today. One more reason to give Him glory and praise Him. And that's enough for me. I sincerely hope you all find something wonderful to thank Him for today. Even in the midst of a rough day, there's always a reason to be thankful and joyful.

A Full Heart

My heart is so full from this past week. We'll start it off with last Friday. The start of Teen Girl Conference. I was a leader for our junior high girls, which was so much fun! We had many churches from all over the state come out for the conference. I learned so much in that one weekend. I discovered as a leader what I'm willing to do for my girls, and just how far my patience really reaches. I'm thankful to say that I was able to stretch it much much farther than I thought I could. And my love for youth ministry grew significantly.

I also learned that being a leader means you have to do the tough things. Having difficult conversations, be a mediator for a teen argument, and dealing with confrontation. And not only that, but also learning that its okay to ask for guidance instead of trying to handle it all on your own. If any of these girls had known me when I was their age, I'm sure they would have NEVER pegged me for a future youth leader. I'm truly grateful for all the leaders I had back then who took the time for me. Some of them had to have those difficult conversations with me and I am so glad they did. I don't want to know where I'd be today if they hadn't.

Moving on to this past Saturday. My husband and I attended the OMN Synergy conference. We took many training sessions focused on leadership and particularly youth leadership. I chose my sessions based on where I was at in my life. The things I wanted to learn more of. Most of them had amazing lessons. I will admit there was one that I feel like I didn't get anything out of it. But I'm sure I did learn something that I have not realized yet. Or later on God will reveal something to me from that class.

The wonderful thing about both of these conferences is their passion for networking. They wanted us to meet new people and find a way to keep in touch. But I noticed that I was running into a lot of people from my home town. We did a lot of catching up and reuniting. And its awesome to actually see how everyone is going after God and trying to further their relationship with Him together. I also saw a lot of other people that looked SO STINKIN' familiar but I have NO IDEA where I know them from. But now I have a connection. :-)

I've included a couple photos from the week with my friends from home. It was so wonderful running into you guys! And my heart is so full from the reuniting.

 From Teen Girl Conference, love these two ladies! They always make everyone feel special and they can pull the silly out of anyone! Sorry for the poor camera quality, I'm not exactly a selfie (or a camera) person.

And this lovely lady was a huge part of everything! She was a volunteer for kids church when I was little, and then moving into youth she was a part of our very close group of friends. She also is an amazing photographer and did a few of my engagement photos. :-)

I know I've said this before, but I'm so grateful for everyone in my life and how they took time to help me grow into who I am today. Again, my heart is so full!

Trusting Him

This week is a week of growth. Nothing like growing up. If someone had asked me when I was in high school if I thought I would be in these situations, I would have laughed in their faces. I never in a million years thought I would be a youth leader, teaching any form of a class, work in ministry, or even mentor anyone. This whole experience would have been too much for my little teen mind to handle. But that's exactly how I know God has been leading me the whole way. I haven't freaked out. I haven't said "NOPE. This is too much God. Find someone else." I'm actually at peace with it. I'm careful not to walk away. Sometimes, when we avoid conflict, we inflict the most damage. God trusted me, I can't let him down. 

Now, that doesn't mean that I'm as cool as a cucumber with everything. In fact I'm facing a lot of situations this week alone that has caused me so much stress and frustration. But what puts me at peace is knowing that God wouldn't have chosen me unless He trusted me. Unless He knew that I had something to bring to the table. A different perspective that might bring order to the chaos.

I'm treading very lightly on all of these subjects. Just because He trusts me does not mean I can allow my head to get too big. I'm still human and capable of making mistakes. So this week I have learned a lot about allowing God to direct me in everything I do, and everything I say. I'm very careful to not take this into my own hands and say "God trusts me so I got this." The only way I can get through anything is through Him, and His divine leading and wonderful peace. So I guess this is me, publicly stating I will not back down from fighting for Him and following His lead.

Growing Pains

The most daunting thing in the world is ... BILLS! I know that sounds so cliché, but seriously! We spend our whole childhood trying to grow up, constantly thinking "If only I had my own place." If I were able to talk to younger me I would slap my own face! And I often refrain myself from smacking a few other kids now. Even young adults who should know this by now but their parents let them live at home with little care in the world. I try to be careful to say "little care" because I know a few whose parents make them pay at least one bill or two. But its not like all the bills when you're completely on your own.

Yesterday I talked about how frustrating it is to not have a laundry room. And now today, its bills. I'm sure someone is thinking "Wow, she likes to complain." Let me explain a bit. Its not that I'm complaining (maybe a little); I'm just stating what everyone wants to scream out. You know you cry inside a little bit every time you open your mail box and you see that bill sitting there. Sometimes they even have that evil little Grinch-like grin.

We just have to learn to come to terms with these nasty little twerps. We're going to have bills for the rest of our lives. However, we can learn how to keep them to the minimum. In the last few years I have seriously learned to be earnestly thankful for how my parents raised me. I grew up in financial struggle. Sometimes I was painfully aware of it, others, I just thought it was a normal way of life. The year before my wedding I decided to research ways to live frugally. Looking for DIY tips/tricks and tiny things that can save money on my utility bills. Come to find out, my parents raised me on ALOT of those tricks. I remember calling my mom frustrated because there was nothing left for me to learn or try; I was just that broke!

Through all this, not only have I learned to be thankful for my parents' hard work, I have also learned to appreciate what I have all the more. I'm more careful with how I handle things. I've learned to stretch the grocery budget; how many times I eat out; how often I buy clothes. Everything. And I care for my things a lot better than I would have when I was a teen. (Of course I wasn't that far off either.) And, you know, sometimes cereal for dinner is the best feast of the week.

For those of you still living at home; LIVE IT UP! If your parents let you stay home, without complaining, and don't charge you much rent, THANK THEM! Because before you know it, you'll be living in a teeny tiny apartment on the verge of tears at the beginning of every month because that rent bill is waiting. Be thankful you have a roof over your head. Or even just a hot meal to come home to. I truly am grateful for the experience I am going through now, but if I could have my way, those Grinch-face bills could go straight back up their hill and stay there, out of my own little Who-town!

Laundry Day

Laundry. Laundry day. Some people would think of this as such a menial chore. Yet, in reality, it can be quite the burden. Laundry day used to be my most favorite day. I had my week always planned out. On my day off I would do laundry, and in between loads I could get other stuff done. Clean the kitchen, bathrooms, do some dusting, or de-clutter (seasonally), or have a Narnia (or Lord of the Rings) marathon.

Ever since we moved into our teeny, TINY apartment, that day has not been the same. I know a lot of people will think I'm borderline crazy for saying this, but laundry day has lost its fun! Now, I have to pay extra to do my laundry, or I go to another location (mainly my parents house) and NONE of my extra house work gets done! Random thought: It should not have to be this difficult to get clean clothes in order to be socially acceptable! If people don't want us to smell then they should MAKE LAUNDRY ROOMS MORE ACCESSABLE!!!!!

I never thought there would be a day when all I could pray for during my quiet time was just a home with a laundry room, that I don't have to pay for. That I wouldn't have to travel somewhere else to make sure that we had clean clothes. And I do, honestly, pray about this.

My husband and I have currently started looking at houses. We want to take an extra step in our ministry and we know we would not be able to do as much being in our tiny little apartment. So we've been praying that God will bless us with the right space for the things He wants us to do. Through this journey we always ask ourselves all sorts of questions. How much land do we want? How many bathrooms? Do we want a basement? How would we like the kitchen to be set up? Do we want an eat in kitchen? Do we want a two car garage? Do we want the garage to be attached to the house? Seriously, ALL sorts of questions. And going through these listings I find myself looking for the laundry space. The kitchen I can deal with. The garage I could care less about. Yes I want a basement, for sure, because I' most likely put my laundry room down there.

I truly believe that we will be lead to the perfect size house/land for what we want to use it for. And I know that God hears all prayers, and if we have faith the size of a mustard seed we can move whole mountains. This prayer of mine really seems like no big deal. If God doesn't answer it, then its not the end of the world. But, this is a trial I have been dealing with for a long time. Laundry day starts to be a thorn in my side because of how much time it takes now. And everything I have to push aside till its done. Or things I need to sacrifice financially if I want to be able to do laundry in my apartment so I can get those other chores or tasks done.

In 1 Samuel 1, we read about the birth of Samuel. Hannah had been barren and she would go to the temple of the Lord and pray to God to give her a son. It says 1Sam. 1:12-16 "As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, "How long will you keep on getting drunk? Get rid of your wine." "Not so, my lord," Hannah replied, " I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief."

Now, I have not been drinking either, and I would not say that the burden of laundry day would be considered as a great anguish and grief as not being able to have children. But I will admit, there are some days when this chore wears on me, and I do feel the anguish of having to load and unload the laundry to travel somewhere to get it done, or find a way to buy the tokens so I can use the laundry room in my building. And I do pray deeply from my heart, "Lord, we are taking the steps to do work for you. We are excited about this journey and can't wait till we can get the ball rolling for you. Lord, I just would love a laundry room, a place in my home where I can do this chore to take care of my family and be able to multi task and do the other chores that take care of my family and lead them to you. As it says in the Bible, everything you do, do it for the Lord. Amen."

I hope this encourages you that no prayer is too small for God. He hears them all, and does answer them in one way or another. He heard our prayer to be able to do more for Him, and He is leading us to the right home so we can do those works. And He hears my prayers for a laundry room, and will make sure this new home will have the perfect laundry room for me, His child.

Now off to swap loads. :-)

What Have We Learned This Week?

Talk about writer's block!! Jeesh! This is frustrating. I've been trying to figure out what to say for the past couple days. I wanted to talk about how I finished the book of Judges (which is AWESOME by the way), but I had difficulty trying to expand on that. It was just SO good I couldn't get the thoughts to come together, or the words out of my head.

At first the book of Judges seemed extremely boring. It seems a lot like the middle ages. This person killed this king and took over that land, this person said this, this person lead Israel so many years, and on and on.  But when I grabbed a devotional based on Judges, and started to follow the stories, it really began to open my eyes. And I couldn't get enough of it! Take the Israelites for example. When you first start going through the Old Testament, you'll think to yourself, "Why are the Israelites so stupid?!" God gave them so much grace and they ignored Him. He delivered them, issued a covenant to protect them, and they still did evil in His sight! But when you take a step back, you notice that things haven't really changed all that much. We all still do evil in His sight. Every one of us, every day.

The devotional I was reading through, from the Bible app by YouVersoion, was called Judges: Choosing God's Way by Dr. Michael Youssef. One of the main things I remember most out of that study was the Israelites never actually gave up on God. As Dr. Youssef explains it, "The Israelites did not set out to defy God or openly rebel against Him. They continued to be religiously  observant. They continued to do charitable works. They went through the motions of their religion. But they had squeezed the Truth of who God is to the margins of their lives." They didn't deny Him, they just simply pushed Him off to the side.

Much like what we do today. We take God's word and try to fit it into our lives and what we're going through. When we face a difficult situation we sit back and say "God, fix it!" Rather than, "God, what are you teaching me? What is my lesson in this?" When we mess up and someone points it out (and there's ALWAYS someone), we excuse it away and say "I never said I was perfect." and we back it up with "all have sinned... (Romans 3:23)"

I had mentioned in an earlier post, I struggle with kindness and showing God's love to my coworkers. Its difficult to show them the love of Christ when they criticize me for loving and serving God. Well, yesterday, I had arrived to work quite a bit early; while I was sitting in the break room, drinking my morning coffee, I prayed. I asked God to show me the lesson I am supposed to be learning through this struggle. I didn't get my answer till later that evening at our bi-weekly Bible study/life group.

Our friends had chosen to go through the book Radical by David Platt. One of our friends (we'll call him Bob) had given us a forewarning that Platt is extremely blunt and sometimes brutally honest about the message he's giving. But it's good and we need to hear it. Sometimes it takes being blunt to hit us where it needs to. BOY was Bob right! Platt had discussed how our love for God needs to come first. Our love for Him needs to be so strong and pure that our love for others, in comparison, looks like hate. By loving God so strongly, loving others just becomes part of our nature. And Platt emphasized that he wanted to be very, very careful with how we were viewing that. He didn't want us to openly hate our families or friends in the name of loving Christ. He wanted to make sure that we weren't squeezing God into the margin of our lives. He explained "There is a dangerous temptation for us to try to soften Jesus' words to justify the way we live."

I felt the punch right there. Was I squeezing God into the margin of my life? Was I using His words to justify the way I live? Was I using the "all have sinned" excuse? If, for those who are reading this, felt that I have used that excuse, I ask now for your forgiveness. I want to be a Christian who is on fire for Christ. I want every one to know I am his follower. I want my love for Him to be so strong, and so true, that my love for others doesn't even compare. ("Looks like hate" as David Platt had put it.)

My Two Cents

Still getting used to this blogging thing. Lots of reading going on over on this side of the computer screen. I had decided to get a better grasp of how it all works, I should probably read other blogs. I've noticed everyone seems to blog about their daily lives. Sadly, my life is pretty repetitive. I'm a huge advocate for routine! Sometimes that can be a good thing, while most times it leads for the same day over and over and over again.

Currently I work in an eye doctors office. That alone can be a stretch for our spiritual life. I spend most of my days with lots of different characters that get on my nerves far more than they realize. Clearly, I can't act on my irritations because I should be exhibiting the love of God to them right?? Right. So last night, with all the valentines mushiness, and everyone being extra verbal on their opinions of  how I should go about things in my personal life. (My opinion was "None of your business!" But I held my tongue.) I thought to myself, surely this can't be ONLY me going through this? And I asked my self the only logical question burned into any '90s kids brain: W.W.J.D?? So I took it to the Bible.

What I find most astounding about learning from God is He uses Himself as an example! Q:How do we show grace? A:Look at how God showed grace through the entire Old Testament. Particularly in the book of Judges. Q:How do I love? A:"But God demonstrates His own love for us..." Romans 5:8 and "God so loved the world..." John 3:16. Often the selfish side of us wants to say "Yes, that is how YOU show grace and love God. But I'm not YOU." But aren't we supposed to be His ambassadors here on earth? How else will the people who don't know Him ever find Him?

So there's my two cents for the day. I can't guarantee my days will be flawless from here on out. At least its a start, and I'll know where I went wrong and who to go to on my bad days.

A Leap of Faith

Hello everyone! I am a semi-new blogger. (Lots of failed attempts) But I have been really feeling God leading me back to it. So here it goes! I'm not sure how this will turn out, I just need to take the leap of faith and trust that there is a lesson somewhere in this for me.

So a little bit about me, and what I've been learning. My husband and I had made the decision to go after God together a few years back and since then He has been opening our hearts and our minds. We have a passion for teens and ministry, and every day we try to think of new ways to connect with the teens and try to help them the best we can. Now, I'm the kind of person some people would call an introvert. My happy place is at home with coffee and friends. I LOVE to have people over and just hang out. But sometimes we are asked to leave the house. I love the work we do for our church and the love we pour into the teens in our lives, and sometimes that can stretch me from my comfort zone. I asked God one day to give me the strength, wisdom and guidance to do more for Him. And that's when he dropped blogging into my lap.

I know its a small step. But its one step closer to the bigger picture. How else will I know where I'm headed unless I take the risks, and take that first step, and make that leap of faith?