Trusting Him

This week is a week of growth. Nothing like growing up. If someone had asked me when I was in high school if I thought I would be in these situations, I would have laughed in their faces. I never in a million years thought I would be a youth leader, teaching any form of a class, work in ministry, or even mentor anyone. This whole experience would have been too much for my little teen mind to handle. But that's exactly how I know God has been leading me the whole way. I haven't freaked out. I haven't said "NOPE. This is too much God. Find someone else." I'm actually at peace with it. I'm careful not to walk away. Sometimes, when we avoid conflict, we inflict the most damage. God trusted me, I can't let him down. 

Now, that doesn't mean that I'm as cool as a cucumber with everything. In fact I'm facing a lot of situations this week alone that has caused me so much stress and frustration. But what puts me at peace is knowing that God wouldn't have chosen me unless He trusted me. Unless He knew that I had something to bring to the table. A different perspective that might bring order to the chaos.

I'm treading very lightly on all of these subjects. Just because He trusts me does not mean I can allow my head to get too big. I'm still human and capable of making mistakes. So this week I have learned a lot about allowing God to direct me in everything I do, and everything I say. I'm very careful to not take this into my own hands and say "God trusts me so I got this." The only way I can get through anything is through Him, and His divine leading and wonderful peace. So I guess this is me, publicly stating I will not back down from fighting for Him and following His lead.

Growing Pains

The most daunting thing in the world is ... BILLS! I know that sounds so cliché, but seriously! We spend our whole childhood trying to grow up, constantly thinking "If only I had my own place." If I were able to talk to younger me I would slap my own face! And I often refrain myself from smacking a few other kids now. Even young adults who should know this by now but their parents let them live at home with little care in the world. I try to be careful to say "little care" because I know a few whose parents make them pay at least one bill or two. But its not like all the bills when you're completely on your own.

Yesterday I talked about how frustrating it is to not have a laundry room. And now today, its bills. I'm sure someone is thinking "Wow, she likes to complain." Let me explain a bit. Its not that I'm complaining (maybe a little); I'm just stating what everyone wants to scream out. You know you cry inside a little bit every time you open your mail box and you see that bill sitting there. Sometimes they even have that evil little Grinch-like grin.

We just have to learn to come to terms with these nasty little twerps. We're going to have bills for the rest of our lives. However, we can learn how to keep them to the minimum. In the last few years I have seriously learned to be earnestly thankful for how my parents raised me. I grew up in financial struggle. Sometimes I was painfully aware of it, others, I just thought it was a normal way of life. The year before my wedding I decided to research ways to live frugally. Looking for DIY tips/tricks and tiny things that can save money on my utility bills. Come to find out, my parents raised me on ALOT of those tricks. I remember calling my mom frustrated because there was nothing left for me to learn or try; I was just that broke!

Through all this, not only have I learned to be thankful for my parents' hard work, I have also learned to appreciate what I have all the more. I'm more careful with how I handle things. I've learned to stretch the grocery budget; how many times I eat out; how often I buy clothes. Everything. And I care for my things a lot better than I would have when I was a teen. (Of course I wasn't that far off either.) And, you know, sometimes cereal for dinner is the best feast of the week.

For those of you still living at home; LIVE IT UP! If your parents let you stay home, without complaining, and don't charge you much rent, THANK THEM! Because before you know it, you'll be living in a teeny tiny apartment on the verge of tears at the beginning of every month because that rent bill is waiting. Be thankful you have a roof over your head. Or even just a hot meal to come home to. I truly am grateful for the experience I am going through now, but if I could have my way, those Grinch-face bills could go straight back up their hill and stay there, out of my own little Who-town!

Laundry Day

Laundry. Laundry day. Some people would think of this as such a menial chore. Yet, in reality, it can be quite the burden. Laundry day used to be my most favorite day. I had my week always planned out. On my day off I would do laundry, and in between loads I could get other stuff done. Clean the kitchen, bathrooms, do some dusting, or de-clutter (seasonally), or have a Narnia (or Lord of the Rings) marathon.

Ever since we moved into our teeny, TINY apartment, that day has not been the same. I know a lot of people will think I'm borderline crazy for saying this, but laundry day has lost its fun! Now, I have to pay extra to do my laundry, or I go to another location (mainly my parents house) and NONE of my extra house work gets done! Random thought: It should not have to be this difficult to get clean clothes in order to be socially acceptable! If people don't want us to smell then they should MAKE LAUNDRY ROOMS MORE ACCESSABLE!!!!!

I never thought there would be a day when all I could pray for during my quiet time was just a home with a laundry room, that I don't have to pay for. That I wouldn't have to travel somewhere else to make sure that we had clean clothes. And I do, honestly, pray about this.

My husband and I have currently started looking at houses. We want to take an extra step in our ministry and we know we would not be able to do as much being in our tiny little apartment. So we've been praying that God will bless us with the right space for the things He wants us to do. Through this journey we always ask ourselves all sorts of questions. How much land do we want? How many bathrooms? Do we want a basement? How would we like the kitchen to be set up? Do we want an eat in kitchen? Do we want a two car garage? Do we want the garage to be attached to the house? Seriously, ALL sorts of questions. And going through these listings I find myself looking for the laundry space. The kitchen I can deal with. The garage I could care less about. Yes I want a basement, for sure, because I' most likely put my laundry room down there.

I truly believe that we will be lead to the perfect size house/land for what we want to use it for. And I know that God hears all prayers, and if we have faith the size of a mustard seed we can move whole mountains. This prayer of mine really seems like no big deal. If God doesn't answer it, then its not the end of the world. But, this is a trial I have been dealing with for a long time. Laundry day starts to be a thorn in my side because of how much time it takes now. And everything I have to push aside till its done. Or things I need to sacrifice financially if I want to be able to do laundry in my apartment so I can get those other chores or tasks done.

In 1 Samuel 1, we read about the birth of Samuel. Hannah had been barren and she would go to the temple of the Lord and pray to God to give her a son. It says 1Sam. 1:12-16 "As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, "How long will you keep on getting drunk? Get rid of your wine." "Not so, my lord," Hannah replied, " I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief."

Now, I have not been drinking either, and I would not say that the burden of laundry day would be considered as a great anguish and grief as not being able to have children. But I will admit, there are some days when this chore wears on me, and I do feel the anguish of having to load and unload the laundry to travel somewhere to get it done, or find a way to buy the tokens so I can use the laundry room in my building. And I do pray deeply from my heart, "Lord, we are taking the steps to do work for you. We are excited about this journey and can't wait till we can get the ball rolling for you. Lord, I just would love a laundry room, a place in my home where I can do this chore to take care of my family and be able to multi task and do the other chores that take care of my family and lead them to you. As it says in the Bible, everything you do, do it for the Lord. Amen."

I hope this encourages you that no prayer is too small for God. He hears them all, and does answer them in one way or another. He heard our prayer to be able to do more for Him, and He is leading us to the right home so we can do those works. And He hears my prayers for a laundry room, and will make sure this new home will have the perfect laundry room for me, His child.

Now off to swap loads. :-)

What Have We Learned This Week?

Talk about writer's block!! Jeesh! This is frustrating. I've been trying to figure out what to say for the past couple days. I wanted to talk about how I finished the book of Judges (which is AWESOME by the way), but I had difficulty trying to expand on that. It was just SO good I couldn't get the thoughts to come together, or the words out of my head.

At first the book of Judges seemed extremely boring. It seems a lot like the middle ages. This person killed this king and took over that land, this person said this, this person lead Israel so many years, and on and on.  But when I grabbed a devotional based on Judges, and started to follow the stories, it really began to open my eyes. And I couldn't get enough of it! Take the Israelites for example. When you first start going through the Old Testament, you'll think to yourself, "Why are the Israelites so stupid?!" God gave them so much grace and they ignored Him. He delivered them, issued a covenant to protect them, and they still did evil in His sight! But when you take a step back, you notice that things haven't really changed all that much. We all still do evil in His sight. Every one of us, every day.

The devotional I was reading through, from the Bible app by YouVersoion, was called Judges: Choosing God's Way by Dr. Michael Youssef. One of the main things I remember most out of that study was the Israelites never actually gave up on God. As Dr. Youssef explains it, "The Israelites did not set out to defy God or openly rebel against Him. They continued to be religiously  observant. They continued to do charitable works. They went through the motions of their religion. But they had squeezed the Truth of who God is to the margins of their lives." They didn't deny Him, they just simply pushed Him off to the side.

Much like what we do today. We take God's word and try to fit it into our lives and what we're going through. When we face a difficult situation we sit back and say "God, fix it!" Rather than, "God, what are you teaching me? What is my lesson in this?" When we mess up and someone points it out (and there's ALWAYS someone), we excuse it away and say "I never said I was perfect." and we back it up with "all have sinned... (Romans 3:23)"

I had mentioned in an earlier post, I struggle with kindness and showing God's love to my coworkers. Its difficult to show them the love of Christ when they criticize me for loving and serving God. Well, yesterday, I had arrived to work quite a bit early; while I was sitting in the break room, drinking my morning coffee, I prayed. I asked God to show me the lesson I am supposed to be learning through this struggle. I didn't get my answer till later that evening at our bi-weekly Bible study/life group.

Our friends had chosen to go through the book Radical by David Platt. One of our friends (we'll call him Bob) had given us a forewarning that Platt is extremely blunt and sometimes brutally honest about the message he's giving. But it's good and we need to hear it. Sometimes it takes being blunt to hit us where it needs to. BOY was Bob right! Platt had discussed how our love for God needs to come first. Our love for Him needs to be so strong and pure that our love for others, in comparison, looks like hate. By loving God so strongly, loving others just becomes part of our nature. And Platt emphasized that he wanted to be very, very careful with how we were viewing that. He didn't want us to openly hate our families or friends in the name of loving Christ. He wanted to make sure that we weren't squeezing God into the margin of our lives. He explained "There is a dangerous temptation for us to try to soften Jesus' words to justify the way we live."

I felt the punch right there. Was I squeezing God into the margin of my life? Was I using His words to justify the way I live? Was I using the "all have sinned" excuse? If, for those who are reading this, felt that I have used that excuse, I ask now for your forgiveness. I want to be a Christian who is on fire for Christ. I want every one to know I am his follower. I want my love for Him to be so strong, and so true, that my love for others doesn't even compare. ("Looks like hate" as David Platt had put it.)

My Two Cents

Still getting used to this blogging thing. Lots of reading going on over on this side of the computer screen. I had decided to get a better grasp of how it all works, I should probably read other blogs. I've noticed everyone seems to blog about their daily lives. Sadly, my life is pretty repetitive. I'm a huge advocate for routine! Sometimes that can be a good thing, while most times it leads for the same day over and over and over again.

Currently I work in an eye doctors office. That alone can be a stretch for our spiritual life. I spend most of my days with lots of different characters that get on my nerves far more than they realize. Clearly, I can't act on my irritations because I should be exhibiting the love of God to them right?? Right. So last night, with all the valentines mushiness, and everyone being extra verbal on their opinions of  how I should go about things in my personal life. (My opinion was "None of your business!" But I held my tongue.) I thought to myself, surely this can't be ONLY me going through this? And I asked my self the only logical question burned into any '90s kids brain: W.W.J.D?? So I took it to the Bible.

What I find most astounding about learning from God is He uses Himself as an example! Q:How do we show grace? A:Look at how God showed grace through the entire Old Testament. Particularly in the book of Judges. Q:How do I love? A:"But God demonstrates His own love for us..." Romans 5:8 and "God so loved the world..." John 3:16. Often the selfish side of us wants to say "Yes, that is how YOU show grace and love God. But I'm not YOU." But aren't we supposed to be His ambassadors here on earth? How else will the people who don't know Him ever find Him?

So there's my two cents for the day. I can't guarantee my days will be flawless from here on out. At least its a start, and I'll know where I went wrong and who to go to on my bad days.

A Leap of Faith

Hello everyone! I am a semi-new blogger. (Lots of failed attempts) But I have been really feeling God leading me back to it. So here it goes! I'm not sure how this will turn out, I just need to take the leap of faith and trust that there is a lesson somewhere in this for me.

So a little bit about me, and what I've been learning. My husband and I had made the decision to go after God together a few years back and since then He has been opening our hearts and our minds. We have a passion for teens and ministry, and every day we try to think of new ways to connect with the teens and try to help them the best we can. Now, I'm the kind of person some people would call an introvert. My happy place is at home with coffee and friends. I LOVE to have people over and just hang out. But sometimes we are asked to leave the house. I love the work we do for our church and the love we pour into the teens in our lives, and sometimes that can stretch me from my comfort zone. I asked God one day to give me the strength, wisdom and guidance to do more for Him. And that's when he dropped blogging into my lap.

I know its a small step. But its one step closer to the bigger picture. How else will I know where I'm headed unless I take the risks, and take that first step, and make that leap of faith?